STOP settling. Ask for what you actually want

In this episode, I dive into the topic of asking for what you truly want—without limitations or shame. I share a powerful exercise I recently took my one-to-one clients through at a retreat, exploring why so many people find it difficult to confidently declare their desires.

I reflect on how, despite my invitation for clients to share what they wanted from the retreat, not one person responded—and what this reveals about our beliefs and internal barriers. A key theme that emerged is the discomfort many of us feel around the phrase “I want,” and how quickly we justify, downplay, or cap our own desires based on what we think is possible or allowed.

The discussion explored the stories we tell ourselves—such as “I don’t want much” or “I’m content,”—and how these narratives can serve as subtle limitations masking fear, guilt, or self-imposed ceilings on our ambition.

I share details of the campfire exercise, inviting you to imagine a scenario where anything and everything you wish for can be granted. This uncovers the “expectation ceiling” that we often place on ourselves, sometimes unconsciously. One concept discussed was the idea that your daily perspective—your mental “lens” or “frame”—shapes your experience of life, your actions, and ultimately your results.

I encourage you to pay attention to the limiting frames you might be wearing, and how changing them can open up new possibilities for joy, success, and fulfillment. I guide you through the “Send Cinderella to Rehab” exercise from Amanda Owen’s book The Power of Receiving: finding a quiet space and writing three pages of sentences starting with “I want,” letting your desires flow freely and unapologetically.

This exercise is designed not to craft your next five-year plan, but to clear the debris of guilt, embarrassment, and self-restriction from your inner world. Several points were raised, including: The difference between gratitude/contentment and settling for less than you truly desire The importance of owning your true wants, even (or especially) if they seem “greedy” or “unrealistic”

How your vision for the future shapes your emotional state today, and how that emotional state creates your future If you feel openness or resistance as you do the exercise, notice what comes up—that’s where your breakthroughs and deeper self-knowledge are waiting. Give yourself full permission to want what you want.

Thank you for joining me for episode 8 of Be More Lobster. If this episode resonated, try the exercise for yourself and see what comes alive for you. I’ll see you in the next episode!